My wife and I were in the hospital for 2 weeks for surgery and recovery. Anyway, my friend is a good and kind person who truly wants to follow the Lord. Now I remembered that Eric had left the sidewalk to wade through the mud in his good shoes after church the previous Sunday. It’s not BAD, but it’s not very efficient and probably not as truly helpful in the long run. He’s a great man! In so we must have love and compassion for each other to know what must be done. After all, they’d been through a rough couple of days too. Our 17-year-old got life flighted and we asked and people asked. We recommend our users to update the browser. And there are times when I feel that all I can give is sincere love. As much as the adults in a family may need help, the children do also. Peggy and Becky, Your comments sound like my experiences verbatim, even to reading the Book of Job over and over. Then they called the Bishop and the RS Pres. If he says yes, then ask him why he hasn't made a move. And I know that He loves you–just as He does me, even with all my flaws, faulty expcetations, and yes, sins. Ask a Guy: Why Men Say They Will Call… and Don’t. Sister Lilywhite was rather elderly and through her home remedies and prayers my brother was made well. I was able to understand what she was willing to do and then make a good decision on if it would actually be helpful to me. This! I can’t guess which category they fall under, so I offer, and let them decide. Because after the dinners stop, grief goes on. I’ve never been far off by doing that. Talking about practicing what we preach. In short, we were living the dream. When my mom died I couldn’t tell you what I needed, I was in shock. Going and sitting with them? . She would try so hard to attend church. As the washer chugged, Larry and I bathed the children and put them to bed. Thank you for this post….. I've experienced this twice. After listening to many heartfelt wishes of concern and requests to “call back if there is anything we can do” I came to the voice mail I would not soon forget. I named myself Invisible a long time ago because of a very similar experience as yours. People are trying their best out there. I don’t care how low I’ve been, I would never dream of calling up a friend to go to the post office for me or to fold my laundry, even when these are the very things I’ve needed. Now, this is a good sign, however, there have been so many men that have told me that they’re going to come to see me and nothing ever happened. That is where as members who are in a time of crisis, we have to remember that our fellow ward members aren’t mind readers and they certainly are not perfect. Great reminders. We finally had to go to the bishop and RS president and ask them to please reign the members in! I remember when my father died, it took me hours to get the children’s shoes cleaned and shined for the funeral. I’ve been in your shoes, criticized for not doing what others (who didn’t have my calling) thought I should be doing. It has ranged from awkward to a useless waste of time. While I sat there, Meghan darted by, clutching a ball. My point in commenting is just to say that the possible scenarios are vast & cannot possibly all be covered in one post or comment. Even though I am still not well with the anxiety thing I do want to go back to church. It’s much more well informed than anything you’d read online, because it’s YOU making the call. I was led to read the book of Job many, many times. The Gospel is true, God’s love for us is great, and All of us mortals are still imperfect. I hope you reap what you've sown! Thank you for an honest post that speaks to all of us. . And was roundly criticized for being insensitive and not understanding the unwritten social rules that require one to turn down help the first time it is offered. It’s easier to judge his intentions depending on the kind of relationship both of you have. #2: Did I call on my family to help me also as much as possible at this time? Then my VTer did the best thing ever. Frequently when he’s out of town we will tell his wife and kids to come over for dinner. That may not be true for you, but when my thinking, my interactions with others, my expectations of others, and my own attention to and care for others changed, so did my life. “Let me know what you need” (and me responding according) is about all I am capable of. I asked her, “Would it be helpful if I cut your toenails for you, since you can’t reach them?” She was so delighted with the offer and for years commented that that simple act helped her so much. This article originally appeared in the December 1983 issue of Reader’s Digest. She said “No, I’m sorry I can’t do that today” If we’re going to ask our Sisters if there is anything we can do to help them, we should be prepared to help however we can. I did my best to not get noticed but also I was kind to those sitting around me and to everyone. I saw the concern and the hurt that was beginning to form in their faces. Someone filled our truck cab with new pillows. And not 1 phone call on What can we do? Thank you for the encouraging stories and experiences shared. It wasn’t only the timeliness of her service but it was as if the Savior had reached out His hand and lifted me onto higher ground. I found myself examining my own thinking and expectations and attitudes about other people. It was amazing the support we received. My go-to offer to people in times of stress is: “I’ll be over once a week to clean your bathrooms.” I’ve learned that some people would die before they let another person clean their bathrooms, and others welcome it as the best thing I could have done. I’ll tell you what I told my husband: never say the words, “Call me if you need anything!” We need to strike this phrase from our collective vocabulary. Am I expecting too much, or being unreasonable? I needed help. It’s nothing special, but we know she’s overwhelmed with four boys and no help. I too went through a horrendous time when I was working three jobs to try and keep the electricity on and gas in the car. If you only corresponded by email or texting until you were able to trust her and yourself enough to be around her in the beginning, that should still be sufficient enough to get things rolling. For example, it often seems to be the default to take a meal when that might not be at the top of the list or even on the list of what’s needed. An excellent goal is to have three to five people in your life that you feel deeply connected to; people that you can rely on to be there for you when you need to cry, scream, vent or just talk. It worked really well when the mom made us a to-do list and then we made assignments to get it done however we saw fit. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. She was a chemo patient for heaven’s sake – she didn’t want any food. Not to pat a friend on the back and give her a frownsmile. There were many weeks out of each month that she didn’t show up at all. So, when a guy says he misses you, and backs it up with visible effort to try and meet you, that means something. that it got overwhelming for my mom to have to deal with them all. Both have a clean bill of health today.). What do I expect”them” to do for me? Thank you for reminding me. “Let me know if you’d like to get together to do lunch or go to a movie or something.”. But to be fair, … When you told me that you weren’t interested in a relationship right now, I was very much into you and behaved in a way that frankly now surprises me. Supper dishes still sat on the kitchen ­table. Let him call you sometimes too. ), While Larry made plane reservations for the following morning, I wandered about the house, aimlessly picking things up and putting them down. Then there were times where I’ve only had the Lord to turn to and what a blessing that was too. My Bishop come to the Hospital to see how I was doing and I informed him, I didn’t think I felt well enough for his visit. Don’t let set backs hold you back. Well my life changed as I said and those were a few of my experiences but my heart softenend.. It is our pride that holds us back from receiving service and just as we need to serve, we need to allow people to serve us. When a guy says “You look hot!” What he means: I want to take you to bed or get physical with you and am not necessarily offering anything serious at the moment. Then of course you have to act. But it was in another state. It means exactly what he says. This year makes 71 years! Someone, somewhere in your branch dropped the ball big time…. When a man’s home burned down, he was talking with Joseph Smith and some other men. True Christianity has nothing to do with talk. they have sat by each other each week since then and I’m not sure who benefits more from it!)…. Sister Lilywhite showed up at the door and told my mother “here I am whether you want me or not”. And for those being served, please know that when we do the wrong thing, we are doing our darnedest to SHOW we care. So if your gut is telling you that his feelings towards you have changed, it’s probably right. Would you be thinking of an errand I could run for you?” My dearest friend was going through something absolutely horrible but she needed hair conditioner. The Lord sent his message pretty clearly that day. I followed them into the living room. I’ve learned it really depends on the situation and the people involved how things should be approached. but sometimes, as members of the church, we do tend to get a bit overzealous in our desires to love and serve…. Just a thought…. 2. My family was at the top of the list. How about I bring over some lunch and we can talk?” Or one of a thousand other things that a hurting person might need. That will stick with me forever now…. The ward completely jumped to our aid, but only after I swallowed that bitter pride. <3 God bless you. (Blog Team) was born and raised in Detroit, but is happy to call Austin, TX home now. The love in the act released my tears at last, healing rain to wash the fog from my mind. I fault no church members for anything. Knowing how to help a family in need or being friendly at church is very do able. But then I throw myself back into the social scene at church and there is a high price to be paid if my body can’t handle the anxiety. When a guy says he’ll call you later, don’t expect to get a call within twenty-four hours, or even in the next few days. Of course it's you, otherwise, he would still be wanting to date you. I have thought about and have asked my self two question, #1 did I do all I could do for my self to take care of the many different problems that were taking place in my life at this time? They cleaned old food from our frige. Elder Rasband gave an excellent talk about this very subject in April 2012. It is what we do that will bring us closer to our Heavenly Father. Even though I am still not well with the anxiety thing I do want to go back to church. Then I’m not going to do crap for you. Life is one big learning opportunity and it is so wonderful when those we are trying to serve in love, hang in there with us. Asking is apart of knowing then doing. As nice as it is to commiserate with somebody on Facebook, the true Christian actually shows up. “I’ll call you later.” Translation: I will contact you at some point in the future. I am one of those Idaho members….and if that happened near me and it was someone I knew in my ward, I would hope that I would be there ready to help or ask what I could do. this insight might play a crucial role in knowing how to help and serve and support you during this time in your life. My hands felt gloved with lead. I was glad Larry had thought to warn her that she’d have the nursery class alone the coming Sunday. It is too important. “Call me if you need anything.” I want to know how you worked through your issues with church in your 20 ‘ s and how are you now, if you don’t mind me asking? If anyone thrust help upon me, or if people call or Facebook me incessantly asking how they can help, it does more harm than good. He means: See above. But my husband, Larry, and I were in the midst of packing all our belongings to move from Ohio to New Mexico. So no I don’t attended any longer. They really did want to handle it themselves as a family. We are praying for you and your wife.”. Have a family over to share Sunday dinner or to grill burgers on a pretty day. But I didn’t know what to ask for. Still, I’d like to give an alternate view, if you don’t mind. I hear you. There were also “How I Can Serve,” papers that sisters could fill out indicating different ways that sisters could give service (meals, babysitting, driving, house cleaning, etc….). That’s total B.S. 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